Salute me, bitch

wow. so much can happen in a day when you travel. I arrived in madrid early morn yesterfday after 7.5 hours sitting on a bus beside a fat, mustached spainard. needless to day, after not sleeping for 5 days, i was not in the best of moods. but i repressed by exhastion and drank more espresso. i found my way to the hostel after 15 min of staring at the metro map.

then i checked in, went to bed and spend the day sightseeing. except all the museams are closed on monday and xmas, so i just walked around saw beautiful buildings and went browsing. madrid looks like a great city. i was surprised and expected it to be dirty and sprawling.

but it has tiny street, bakeries and large sqaure buildings that are still white which i think means that they are new.

i went to the palace, which was nice obviously. madrid was created as a captial fairly recently, in the 16th or 17th century.

its doesnt have wide blvds like barcelona does, but it def. has its own charm.

and my hostel is AMAZING. okay its not that good...but its a hertiage site. ith as stained glass windows, a giant atrium, very bright and cheerful. and my hostel room has no windows which means that i m not woken up by sunslight. suprisingly, this is the first hostel ive been in where ppl dont wake up at 8am. n my room of 14 beds ppl are still sleeping at noon. its great.

so after a long day i went to go check my email on the comp im on now, in the bar downstairs.

i heard the americans before i saw them.

there was a wait for the comp so i had to sit near them, but i specifally angled myself away from them. then an argentian girl started talking to me and introduced me to the americans.

great i thought, just what i need, loud, obnoxious american frat boys.


oh....but it is so much more complex then that.

so much more.


i will have to give this in point form. otherwise i wouldnt know where to start

1. im a jew magnet, this is just a fact
2. the first american i spoke to is a jew
3. he was traveling with 6 friends, they live in napes
4. they live in naples beacuse....they sailors
5. as in they sail for a living? a hobby? they are crew? oh no...they are in the American NAVY.


so obviously we got to talking. and i warmed to them after they immediately assured me that they were not stupid americans and understood that they were at war over oil not WMD etc.,

i started drinking wine out of a nalgene bottle.

things progreesed.


2 more ppl joined our table. guess who?Jews!!
I should advertise my jew magnet services.

A guy introduced himself as a philosopy major, named david. i mean....duh...
he was sitting beside this short dark haird girl in a hoodie. i mean...duh...


Then one navy boy...SaltnPepper (gray haired) started rilieing me up about canada. oh my. I got frustrated. becasuse WE ARE A DIFFERENMT COUNTRY DAMMIT AND OUR CURRENCY IS HIGHER THEN YOURS SO SUCK MY BEAVER TAIL ASS.
But he taught some things i didnt know. like the canadian army trains with the american army. and we apparntly actually DO have a good army! we are good at special forces apparntly. boy was I proud of canada then!


i thought our army was only good to shovel snow...

I will give each drama action by character...it would get to messy chronologically..and these navy boys..trust me, they love drama


2ADays

then this girl named Knee Dropper...for reasons that will soon become obvious.

she and her BOYFRIEND joined the table. immediately she started being ALL OVER 2ADays (this guy looks made to vbe an american football player)

eventually...she told him that she would give him a blow job. with her boyfriend sitting beside her. totally. bloody. serious. he slipped her a note saying he would meet her in the 2nd floor bathroom at 4 30 am. she nodded.

430 am rolls around. he goes to meet her. but....the 2nd floor is closed!
what does he do_


He mopes around the hostel like Heathcliffe, circling the balcony.

I inisted that her bf was in on it and they are swingers. cuz this girl was practically on his lap...with her bf beside her.

This guy could have also gtten Argetnians, because....her husband had LEFT her that night. i think they were only married so he could get an EU pasoprt though...but still...but apprantly her ass was too big. and the other girl said she would blow him which is a 100% best pick up line ever.

are you listening ladies? if yuo ever want to hook up with a guy...just tel them that you will blow them. it is a garuntee.

Smart Minority

Token minority in the navy. 1600 SATS. Knew about religion, Israel, educated, wellread, sleeps with a different hooker every night.

SaltnPepper

31, smart,sexy, friendly pays 2300 rent a month, the prettiest, was caught in a Spanish bathroom that had no doors banging a chick doggy style.

AlphaJew

36, Jewish, Married (but....they haev spend years apart so apprantly it doesnt really count), the wittiest, never slept with a hooker, the one who tries to be the matchmaker, the one i spend 3 hours talking to in a laundry room until he tried to kiss me at which point i said..."úm...no.."

That is the lowdown children.

From these Navy Officers, i learnt moer about men in 10 hours that i did in the past 10 years.

THese boys, all good looking, get laid on an extremely regular basis. they know their shit. and they enlighted me more then a philosophy degree ever could. i will impart some of their wisdom to you faithful readers-


there are apprantly two types of girls.Otherwise a guy will not hang out with you.
Girls that guys want to have sex with, and girls that are bait to get other girls.Luckily, they told me that i was in categry number 1. i think my self esteem raised like 20 points.


Guys love women bodies. and sex. and appranlty paying for sex does not diminish from the wonders of sex.

offering a blow job, is the best pickupline hands down that will work . all . the. time.

after spending xmas eve. in a chinese restrauant, with 4 jews, the american army and a depressed argentians, im not going to lie. it was a bloody good xmas.

yes..there are more details children. but....im fucking tired. but...so much more to tell...