The first sex

I seem to only be in contact with interesting men.

For instance,

Yesterday I was walking to the bus stop to catch a bus to the dead sea when a middle aged American kippa-ed man started asking me directions.

How nice! I thought. A religious-ish person is acknowloging my existence.

He was acting all fatherly, telling me to make sure I had enough sunscreen and admonishing me for not wearing a hat.

Then he asked me for cocktails.

Ummm...how do you say...you're an ugly 50 year old old enough to be my father wearing a kippa so ...NO.

But, being brought up a lady I said I had to run to catch my bus and told him to email me.

Then today,

I was innocently sitting on Ben Yehuda reading a book (NIS 8 Bergdorf Blondes found at a 2 storey used bookshop off of Jaffa st.) when a muscled man in a black tank stop approached me and started speaking Hebrew.

I explained to him in Hebrew that I only speak English.

That didn't seem to deter him speaking Hebrew.

He asked me if I would like to take a stoll.

Now, why would I turn down an afternoon date with a muscled man in a black tank top?

See, I have tried the whole language barrier thing and it's cute for about 2 min until you want more romance then Tarzan language.

Plus, he had ugly teeth.

But before he left he made me write down his number for a stroll tomorrow since I told him I don't do anything on Shabbat.

Oy.


But let me tell you about this way more normal but still hilarious Germanw/aGf. I met him in my hostel. He's German, which always makes for interesting conversation. He was lying on a couch reading a giant, hardback German book. I was bored as I so often am and so started to talk to him.

He is German German and secular and wanted to visit Israel because he met a lot of them traveling other places and thought the girls were really hot. I hear this A LOT strangely.

We talked for hours for the next 3 days. TALKED ppl, remember he is Germanw/aGf.

He said he realized the stereotypes he previously belived was just that is actually true and Jews actually do have funny noses.

As well, Jewish girls are short, with big lips, big noses and big boobs.

He is quite astute eh?

Thus, I do believe I am the stereotypical Jewish girl, but this is no revelation and strangers tell me this on a daily basis.

He also told me about a friend of his sex escapes which I feel compelled to share because they are so funny. His friend used to work at a resort in the canary islands, where he used to sleep with all the women there as the husbands took care of the children.

This friend, who is a major slut, had a step by step process to sleeping with these wives.

1. First he would invite them to play volleyball,
2.then hit on them.
3.Then he would invite them out to a club and
4.tell the husband that he would show them around the next night but that night he should take care of the children.

Apparently out of 60 women, only one, ONE, refused to sleep with him.

Strangely, I fully believe this story basically because my faith in monogomy is flawless.

He believed his friends story because he knew how good in bed he was due to the times they had had threesomes together.

hey...I know you guys love hearing about the sex lives on strangers!

But this guy was really funny and cool and German. Thus, extra cool.

Must go get ready for Kotel.

xx